This has been weighing on me for several months. One way or another, I've had a blog going since about 2002, though I've pulled the damn thing down multiple times, changed servers and names, and generally been very reluctant to decloak about it. I'm weird about blogs -- I honestly don't follow very many of them, but when I do, I tend to do a deep-dive into a blog for a short while, reading nearly every new and archived post before I lose interest and move onto something else.
I've never "settled myself" about what my own blog is, or what it should be. Sometimes I have posted things that I have later decided to pull down because it was just too damn much truth to have out there on the Internet. And I've had this unreasonable fear that "people I know" will stumble across my blog and read it -- though, since I've always been uber-diligent about not promoting my blogs, keeping them squarely underground, and trying to make sure people DIDN'T find it -- one might ask, "so, what IS the point of having it?"
I guess it's simply because I have always loved to write, ever since I was a kid it's been like a pressure-relief valve, and this is somehow more satisfying than writing into a notebook, which is something I have also done for years.
So, where I am at right now, is on the fence about this incarnation of my blog. Even though I've made the cowardly decision to delete out a lot of my posts, there is still a bunch of stuff I've decided to leave that, well, leaves me vulnerable to people who might read it. Not yet sure that's okay with me.
I've watched one of my coworkers start up his first blog, and although he's only been at it a couple of months, he's been doing a really good job -- his posts are interesting, he ranges far afield with "business-related" content as well as a light smattering of personal reflections and anecdotes. He started it because our company is trying to get deeper into "social media" -- and we will start a blog at some point this year. Which has me thinking about my own blog, and my reticence to share it with my team, because I just don't feel okay about decloaking to that degree, since I've mostly posted personal musings and not business stuff.
I still don't know what I'm going to do. We'll see.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Daily Coyote
I love audiobooks. I'm listening to a really good one right now, called The Daily Coyote. It's a very simple story, about a woman who fell in love with the wilds of Wyoming, and decided, sight unseen, to move to a town of 300. She ended up with a coyote pup to raise, and started a blog sending photos of the coyote to people every day. (Hence the name of the book.)
Her prose is luminous and graceful, and since I'm frequently listening to the story unfold as I drive to and from work, up and down I-25 in rush hour traffic, I look at the snowcapped Rockies to the west, and daydream about what it might be like to do something that gutsy -- just up and move to the middle of nowhere.
Things that stick out to me are: the luxury of curling up in front of a roaring fire with your cat, dog, and coyote, on a blizzarding winter day, with nothing else to do except... be. She also figures out how to teach English to Koreans in Korea from her home computer -- I mean, what a perfect idea for supporting yourself living in the middle of nowhere.
With the craziness of the economy lately, I really wonder how many people will be smart enough to just "drop off the grid" and recalibrate their lives to something like this. (Sure, it's a fantasy for me -- I cannot imagine that I could do the same thing successfully, city girl that I am, but one does enjoy the daydream.)
Her prose is luminous and graceful, and since I'm frequently listening to the story unfold as I drive to and from work, up and down I-25 in rush hour traffic, I look at the snowcapped Rockies to the west, and daydream about what it might be like to do something that gutsy -- just up and move to the middle of nowhere.
Things that stick out to me are: the luxury of curling up in front of a roaring fire with your cat, dog, and coyote, on a blizzarding winter day, with nothing else to do except... be. She also figures out how to teach English to Koreans in Korea from her home computer -- I mean, what a perfect idea for supporting yourself living in the middle of nowhere.
With the craziness of the economy lately, I really wonder how many people will be smart enough to just "drop off the grid" and recalibrate their lives to something like this. (Sure, it's a fantasy for me -- I cannot imagine that I could do the same thing successfully, city girl that I am, but one does enjoy the daydream.)
Friday, March 6, 2009
If this catches on, I'll be out of work
There was an interesting article in the Denver Post today about living frugally. Seems people are learning how to live without the absolutely crazed consummer-borrowing culture we've nurtured over the past decade -- WHAT a concept!
Since I work for a company that earns its keep by... consumer lending... this could be a scary thing. But damn, I love the concept. The funny thing is that we've sort of been living this way for the past several years.
I have no credit cards. I do have a corporate credit card for business purchases, but that's basically because I let them know that I was not going to be funding the business of business on my dime, and waiting for reimbursement. Not everyone can get away with this, I know, but it was just a plain fact for me. I don't imagine I will every really "want" to get a credit card again in my life -- though perhaps at some point I might finally do it again, but it won't be for at least a few more years.If they even still exist by then!
Credit cards. I hate them. Now, I have to say that MY company, as a credit card issuer, is actually one of the very rare "good guys" in a slimy business, and I can hold my head up and tell people honestly that if you need a credit card, ours really IS a good deal. 'nuf said about that, since I don't like to talk about my employer on my blog.
But... it DOES put me in a weird position, just with some of the "behind the scenes" stuff I am exposed to, working in this industry. I know more than the average bear consumer about how collections works, how lending decisions are made, etc. So that colors my perspective.
The whole financial industry is in a crisis (duh!). yesterday, the news said US unemployment had hit 8.1%, highest since about 1984ish. I know a LOT of people who have been laid off in the past three months or so. Scary.
I remember being laid off; marketing is usually one of the first departments to go under the scalpel during bad times. I've been through it more than once, and it sucks every time.
BUT...
Things are still overall good in America. And I remember that. But I LOVE the idea of just living frugally. Next thing to check out is a site called Freecycle. Actually, I know I had looked at this a few years ago, but it hadn't hit its tipping point yet, at least where I was. Now, I see that there are a bunch of Freecyclers right in my area.
Especially since Marty's been so sick, bit by bit, I've been going through all my stuff -- storage stuff, infrequently-used stuff, and trying to figure out how to get rid of it. I love the idea of barter -- that just fits me. So, who knows? Maybe I'll become a dedicated Freecycler...
Since I work for a company that earns its keep by... consumer lending... this could be a scary thing. But damn, I love the concept. The funny thing is that we've sort of been living this way for the past several years.
I have no credit cards. I do have a corporate credit card for business purchases, but that's basically because I let them know that I was not going to be funding the business of business on my dime, and waiting for reimbursement. Not everyone can get away with this, I know, but it was just a plain fact for me. I don't imagine I will every really "want" to get a credit card again in my life -- though perhaps at some point I might finally do it again, but it won't be for at least a few more years.If they even still exist by then!
Credit cards. I hate them. Now, I have to say that MY company, as a credit card issuer, is actually one of the very rare "good guys" in a slimy business, and I can hold my head up and tell people honestly that if you need a credit card, ours really IS a good deal. 'nuf said about that, since I don't like to talk about my employer on my blog.
But... it DOES put me in a weird position, just with some of the "behind the scenes" stuff I am exposed to, working in this industry. I know more than the average bear consumer about how collections works, how lending decisions are made, etc. So that colors my perspective.
The whole financial industry is in a crisis (duh!). yesterday, the news said US unemployment had hit 8.1%, highest since about 1984ish. I know a LOT of people who have been laid off in the past three months or so. Scary.
I remember being laid off; marketing is usually one of the first departments to go under the scalpel during bad times. I've been through it more than once, and it sucks every time.
BUT...
Things are still overall good in America. And I remember that. But I LOVE the idea of just living frugally. Next thing to check out is a site called Freecycle. Actually, I know I had looked at this a few years ago, but it hadn't hit its tipping point yet, at least where I was. Now, I see that there are a bunch of Freecyclers right in my area.
Especially since Marty's been so sick, bit by bit, I've been going through all my stuff -- storage stuff, infrequently-used stuff, and trying to figure out how to get rid of it. I love the idea of barter -- that just fits me. So, who knows? Maybe I'll become a dedicated Freecycler...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
revving up, then thwarted
Damn it!!!!! Just when the Luck Plane started tilting toward our heads (thanks, Bob), Marty ends up near-death again. I am honestly having trouble even dealing with this, but it's our reality.
Christmas was LOVELY, one of the best in years. (I remember Christmas of 2003, when we were really broke, and we went to the beach -- I remember writing "HOPE" in the sand in 8-foot letters with a stick. Eternal optimist, that's me.) Christmas dinner, 12/25. Marty thinks he's getting the flu, 12/27. Visit to the doctor, Fri 12/27 -- doc (who we love and trust) says, yeah, seems like the flu... then we notice his left leg is swelling and red... so he makes an appointment to see the doc who replaced his knee (with all the MRSA and related issues in 2006) -- appt is Tues morning.
Mon middle of the night, I have to call an ambulance for him -- I'm afraid he's not going to make it to morning, his pain is so great and his fever is so high.
So, we ended 2008, and started 2009, with Marty in a coma. Septic. Systemic infection, centered in his leg, but hurting his whole body. Kidneys shut down. All major systems negatively impacted -- respiratory, circulatory, cardiac. Sounds so clinical now -- but then, I was simply in a haze. Early January was spent in a dreamlike state, not even knowing what I was doing, honestly. Left the ICU every night, thinking he was going to be dead by morning. Thinking I was going to get "the phonecall" that I remember my mom getting, when my dad died. Remembering when my dad died -- Aunt Margie had come to stay with us, for The Vigil, because we "knew the end was soon".
I really could not grasp how close to death Marty was.
But it was a miracle that he pulled through. And for me and Brenna and Ayla, we struggled. Brenna is still a closed mystery to me most of the time -- she has not been the kind of kid who wants mom or dad in her world. She seems to prefer to work it out herself. Ayla alternately clung close and pushed me away, which was hard. Sometimes, just being able to put my hand on her helped me enormously.
But Marty got better. Thank god.
Now, we're holding our breath, waiting for the next round of tests, the next bit of news -- and honestly, I am expecting that the news will be bad. It's 2:20 pm on a Sunday right now, and he's snoozing in bed.
Ayla and I went swimming this morning, and then had breakfast -- and we talked nonstop. She said he's been sleeping more and more lately, which is a concern. I fear that the infection is back, despite the daily IV infusions. I fear what comes next. I fear being alone. I fear becoming a widow. I hope it doesn't come to that point.
Que sera, sera, right? I just have to roll with whatever happens. And I will.
Christmas was LOVELY, one of the best in years. (I remember Christmas of 2003, when we were really broke, and we went to the beach -- I remember writing "HOPE" in the sand in 8-foot letters with a stick. Eternal optimist, that's me.) Christmas dinner, 12/25. Marty thinks he's getting the flu, 12/27. Visit to the doctor, Fri 12/27 -- doc (who we love and trust) says, yeah, seems like the flu... then we notice his left leg is swelling and red... so he makes an appointment to see the doc who replaced his knee (with all the MRSA and related issues in 2006) -- appt is Tues morning.
Mon middle of the night, I have to call an ambulance for him -- I'm afraid he's not going to make it to morning, his pain is so great and his fever is so high.
So, we ended 2008, and started 2009, with Marty in a coma. Septic. Systemic infection, centered in his leg, but hurting his whole body. Kidneys shut down. All major systems negatively impacted -- respiratory, circulatory, cardiac. Sounds so clinical now -- but then, I was simply in a haze. Early January was spent in a dreamlike state, not even knowing what I was doing, honestly. Left the ICU every night, thinking he was going to be dead by morning. Thinking I was going to get "the phonecall" that I remember my mom getting, when my dad died. Remembering when my dad died -- Aunt Margie had come to stay with us, for The Vigil, because we "knew the end was soon".
I really could not grasp how close to death Marty was.
But it was a miracle that he pulled through. And for me and Brenna and Ayla, we struggled. Brenna is still a closed mystery to me most of the time -- she has not been the kind of kid who wants mom or dad in her world. She seems to prefer to work it out herself. Ayla alternately clung close and pushed me away, which was hard. Sometimes, just being able to put my hand on her helped me enormously.
But Marty got better. Thank god.
Now, we're holding our breath, waiting for the next round of tests, the next bit of news -- and honestly, I am expecting that the news will be bad. It's 2:20 pm on a Sunday right now, and he's snoozing in bed.
Ayla and I went swimming this morning, and then had breakfast -- and we talked nonstop. She said he's been sleeping more and more lately, which is a concern. I fear that the infection is back, despite the daily IV infusions. I fear what comes next. I fear being alone. I fear becoming a widow. I hope it doesn't come to that point.
Que sera, sera, right? I just have to roll with whatever happens. And I will.
Plus-Size Women's Clothes Swap
Hey there! If you're reading this, you probably got my email about a clothes swap. I have no idea if this will work, given that I live in Colorado, which is apparently the skinny capital of the US. However, I have always been a big broad and I have a lot of nice clothes I'd like to put "out there" to swap, instead of just bagging it all up for Goodwill. Sure, I'll bag up a bunch of it! But overall, the theme for 2009 seems to be to lighten up on the consumer baggage, the personal possessions we're all anchored with.
I have a lot of clothes in my closet that I honestly don't LOVE. Many things are really nice (and cost a pretty penny, too) -- but when I put them on, I don't feel like "me" at my best.
For example, I have a couple of outfits that I bought because I just flat-out liked the fabric and the style -- but the colors (red, black and white) were basically "ok" at the time because those were the colors of my daughter's sports team! But I look crappy in red-black-white. So I've got these lovely outfits, hardly ever worn, classic and nice... but *I* don't like wearing them. Somebody who's a blonde or with dark hair would look fabulous in these.
That sort of thing.
Anyway, one thing I hope to do this year is reach out a little more, get out of my "shell" a bit... with all the illness and medical crap my husband has dealth with the past few years, I've been mostly focused on work and family, work and family. Friends would be lovely!
So, what the hell. I'm starting with something rather ambitious -- a flippin clothing trade. Then, I'm thinking housewares, artwork, knicknkacks, etc... who knows where this will go?
One thing I DO know for sure -- I CANNOT be the only lonely, middle-aged woman/wife/mom in the south Denver area. Not possible. So hopefully this might work... we'll see.
I have a lot of clothes in my closet that I honestly don't LOVE. Many things are really nice (and cost a pretty penny, too) -- but when I put them on, I don't feel like "me" at my best.
For example, I have a couple of outfits that I bought because I just flat-out liked the fabric and the style -- but the colors (red, black and white) were basically "ok" at the time because those were the colors of my daughter's sports team! But I look crappy in red-black-white. So I've got these lovely outfits, hardly ever worn, classic and nice... but *I* don't like wearing them. Somebody who's a blonde or with dark hair would look fabulous in these.
That sort of thing.
Anyway, one thing I hope to do this year is reach out a little more, get out of my "shell" a bit... with all the illness and medical crap my husband has dealth with the past few years, I've been mostly focused on work and family, work and family. Friends would be lovely!
So, what the hell. I'm starting with something rather ambitious -- a flippin clothing trade. Then, I'm thinking housewares, artwork, knicknkacks, etc... who knows where this will go?
One thing I DO know for sure -- I CANNOT be the only lonely, middle-aged woman/wife/mom in the south Denver area. Not possible. So hopefully this might work... we'll see.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Who cares?
It has of course dawned on me that nobody will ever really dig in and read my blogs unless I finally succumb to the voices in my head and take my Glock to the nearest local clocktower or high school to do some damage.
As if.
I'm just ridiculously mild-mannered, ala Clark Kent. I have never had to fight physically, even if swordplay is my deep-seated dream desire. I wish I was a master with a blade, but I'm not, and have never even handled one. Maybe "someday" I'll take a fencing class -- but it will mean that I have figured out how to just swallow my pride and look like a total asshole novice, someting I've never been really comfortable with. But swords! That's cool enough to maybe figure out how to do it.
My Christmas present from Marty was a Glock 26 9 mm.
It's springtime, and I have yet to load it, let alone fire it. I keep it hidden in my grandma's sewing bench. Is that girly or what? But I love the sheer idea of becoming a competent and comfortable marksman.
When I was a kid, I used to LOVE archery at CYO summer camp in Sonoma. I was actually pretty good at hitting those bulls-eyes. The closest I've come to that in my adult life has been archery when half-bagged at the American Legion, playing darts. I hate darts, I think they're utterly boring (hence the half-baggery). And I haven't even done that in years.
When I opened my brand-new, shiny black pistol case, I read through every scrap of paper that came with the heavy metal. Right then on Xmas morning, I started dreaming of becoming a crack pistol sharpshooter, winning competitions and just getting all-rouind GOOD with the thing.
Rifles have never interested me. Hunting -- eeeeeewwww! Looking Bambi right in the eye through a scope, and killing an innocent creature? SO not for me.
Killing a Bad Guy who's hellbent on Doing Evil? SIGN ME UP!!!!!!
I need to take a firearms class or three. I will apply for a CCW, which I understand in Colorado is pretty much a birthright. And I will find a gun range where I can get good at shooting.
And then I want a Concealed Carry Purse -- that's a dream gift. A sneaky and heavy purse, that can cripple my spine with the combined weight of my wallet, makeup, Blackberry, Flip video camera, library book, notebook, and pistol. Woo hoo! That's for me.
Bang! Bang! (Just not from a clocktower, or at a high school. So, nobody will ever read my blog. Who cares?)
As if.
I'm just ridiculously mild-mannered, ala Clark Kent. I have never had to fight physically, even if swordplay is my deep-seated dream desire. I wish I was a master with a blade, but I'm not, and have never even handled one. Maybe "someday" I'll take a fencing class -- but it will mean that I have figured out how to just swallow my pride and look like a total asshole novice, someting I've never been really comfortable with. But swords! That's cool enough to maybe figure out how to do it.
My Christmas present from Marty was a Glock 26 9 mm.
It's springtime, and I have yet to load it, let alone fire it. I keep it hidden in my grandma's sewing bench. Is that girly or what? But I love the sheer idea of becoming a competent and comfortable marksman. When I was a kid, I used to LOVE archery at CYO summer camp in Sonoma. I was actually pretty good at hitting those bulls-eyes. The closest I've come to that in my adult life has been archery when half-bagged at the American Legion, playing darts. I hate darts, I think they're utterly boring (hence the half-baggery). And I haven't even done that in years.
When I opened my brand-new, shiny black pistol case, I read through every scrap of paper that came with the heavy metal. Right then on Xmas morning, I started dreaming of becoming a crack pistol sharpshooter, winning competitions and just getting all-rouind GOOD with the thing.
Rifles have never interested me. Hunting -- eeeeeewwww! Looking Bambi right in the eye through a scope, and killing an innocent creature? SO not for me.
Killing a Bad Guy who's hellbent on Doing Evil? SIGN ME UP!!!!!!
I need to take a firearms class or three. I will apply for a CCW, which I understand in Colorado is pretty much a birthright. And I will find a gun range where I can get good at shooting.
And then I want a Concealed Carry Purse -- that's a dream gift. A sneaky and heavy purse, that can cripple my spine with the combined weight of my wallet, makeup, Blackberry, Flip video camera, library book, notebook, and pistol. Woo hoo! That's for me.
Bang! Bang! (Just not from a clocktower, or at a high school. So, nobody will ever read my blog. Who cares?)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Mixing food metaphors can work
I have not yet taken the plunge and subscribed to Real Simple magazine, but I really need to . I find that whenever I see it near the checkout, I nearly always tend to buy it. In October, there was a recipie for "Bacon and Eggs Spaghetti" that just sounded weird. Until I tried it.
A few days ago, Marty had cooked spaghetti, and we didn't use all of it. So it got stored, cold but cooked, in the fridge. I had bought what I now consider to be a Cooking Magic Bullet -- a big bag of Kirkland Cooked Bacon Morsels from Costco. And we had eggs, and we had frozen chopped shallots.
I didn't have the Real Simple recipie at hand, but I had a vague recollection of how weird I thought it was.
So, I heated up a skillet with a little olive oil, dropped in a scant handful of the cooked bacon (just to warm it up) and dumped in a portion of cooked spaghetti and some frozen shallots, shaken from a "juice box" type container.
Sizzle, sizzle. Whoa. Smelled good!
Got everything pretty hot, cracked in two eggs and let them cook, flipping slightly. Topped wiht a bit of grated cheddar.
OMG.
I would never have thought to mix "breakfast ingredients" with spaghetti, but it turned out to be one of the absolute best pasta dishes I had ever had.
Weird, to think that what can really hit you is just the simple combination of mundane ingredients that you'd never think of putting together.
But man, it worked! It was awesome.
Next time I' stuck for what to fix in a pinch, I've got a new go-to recipie.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Music to My Ears -- Pandora
OK, This has turned into a favorite Web site -- www.pandora.com. Build your own virtual radio station. I have no idea why anyone would want to actually turn on the radio again, other than to check news, weather and traffic.
Right now I'm listening to Phillip Glass, but I'm finding my tasts keep getting more and more out there, especially because of my daughters.
Right now I'm listening to Phillip Glass, but I'm finding my tasts keep getting more and more out there, especially because of my daughters.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thankful, so thankful for work
I'm not ready to blog about the "why" yet -- but I just need to say that I am SO amazingly THANKFUL for the people that I work with. My boss, and the people who work for me have shown themselves to be just flat-out Good People in recent weeks.
We all tend to take "our job" for granted -- I have a feeling that in 2009, that's going to become more and more unusual, because it seems that layoffs are looming for a lot of people. I've been there, and it sucks! But right now, I'm wrangling with unexpected family stuff, and I have been blown away by how wonderful, thoughtful, and just great my work-folks have been for me.
Sometimes, you just need that kind of support. I am thankful.
We all tend to take "our job" for granted -- I have a feeling that in 2009, that's going to become more and more unusual, because it seems that layoffs are looming for a lot of people. I've been there, and it sucks! But right now, I'm wrangling with unexpected family stuff, and I have been blown away by how wonderful, thoughtful, and just great my work-folks have been for me.
Sometimes, you just need that kind of support. I am thankful.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Target Groceries
The box said, "Apricot Currant Chicken Cous-Cous" -- and I bought it on a whim. Damn, that was one FINE dinner! Just under five bucks, and YUMMMY. And EASY to fix.
Archer Farms. Target. Go figure. But it's good -- dinner in a kit.
I'm saving this for those times that we're basically "out" of food -- when the fam says, "there is NOTHING to eat here"-- I can whip out this green box and amaze them. (And fill them up with heathy, yummy stuff.)
Archer Farms. Target. Go figure. But it's good -- dinner in a kit.
I'm saving this for those times that we're basically "out" of food -- when the fam says, "there is NOTHING to eat here"-- I can whip out this green box and amaze them. (And fill them up with heathy, yummy stuff.)
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