Chicken Cous-Cous Blog Box

Yikes. I've blown an hour blogging and playing with the Internet. That means dinner will be the Apricot-Currant-Chicken Cous-Cous Box, because it's fast and easy, and I've been neglecting my wifely duties since I got home.

Buy, hey, I unpacked my new office today, and went to a luncheon on Obama's Economic Stimulus Plan -- how much can one woman do in a day?

(If only I lived in the Wyoming hinterlands, with my coyote pup...)

ETrade Baby ROCKS

These are some of my favorite TV commercials of all time. ETrade has just nailed it, making "so simple even a baby could do it" seem NOT cliched.

Microsoft, on the other hand... ewww. Stinky. Their "I'm a PC, and I'm Four-and-a-half" type ads are just LAME.

Love that baby.

Decloaking Part II

Had lunch with my coworker today, who gave me a really good rundown about things he's learned about using Twitter recently. And, it's made me finally decide that, okay, I AM going to decloak about my blog, and going forward, I'm going to make some changes to the direction and focus of the thing.

Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder.

I never did have a "thesis" for having a blog -- honestly, I've used it to vent, more often than not. (I'm always careful, even then -- I don't ever comment about my employer, unless I have something mildly vague and definitely positive I want to say. And truly, given MY employer, saying nice things is really very easy, because I'm happy there, the people have integrity, and it's an overall good place.) Still, we've all heard horror stories about people who've posted something about their job on their Facebook page and gotten fired as soon as the HR department found out, or people who've posted something that made them look like a jackass that had nothing to do with their employer, but once the company found out, they still got canned.

So, that's a realistic fear for ANYBODY who has both a paycheck-job, and a blog or a jones for sounding out on the Web. But, Pollyanna that I am, I've decided that coming from good intentions and being an overall polite person should keep me in line -- I DO self-sensor routinely, and I don't flame out anybody publicly (unless they're a jackass Quiznos manager who sends a poor Mexican out to broil in a vinyl suit in 100+ degree weather. (And that was way before I started my job, anyway.)

Okay. So. I've decided I'll share my blog URL with a few people. If you're reading this -- well, hello! I am, indeed, a coward about this -- and yes, I've deleted a bunch of posts, just in case.

But, for the record -- my heart is in the right place, I will be careful what I say, just as I would OTJ, and I'll definitely keep my charming husband's bizarre comedian friends' influence from showing up here. (At least, I'll try!)

But dammit, I am NOT at work, I'm at home -- and I still need to have some element of "me" that's not "me at work" -- I'll just have to practice at how to blend those.

We'll see if I can be successful, or not. Hope so.

Sherlock Downey

OK, I've been listening to a LOT of Sherlock Holmes stories from the Canon, as well as pastiches, recently. And, with Robert Downey Jr. starring in the Holmes movie that's due out later this year, it's made me think about the AGE thing.

See, in the original stories, Holmes was in his 20's and early 30's when most of the Baker St. chronicles occur. But, when you think of virtually ALL the actors who have played Holmes (the most well-known ones, at least) -- the IMAGE you get is a guy who's in his 40's, maybe pushing 50. Think Jeremy Brett. Basil Rathbone. From my formative years, there was Nicol Williamson in The Seven Percent Solution. All geezers in full middle-age.

Now, you've got Robert Downey Jr. (who I've always loved, he's an amazing actor and really cute, too) -- but I guess this makes me happy, because he's 44. Which makes me feel like I'm NOT old (even though I've been starting to feel like I am starting to head toward "old").

The thing that's cool about Downey's portrayal is that he really does seem to "get" how YOUNG Holmes was when he started solving crimes. Callow but not.

I haven't looked forward to an upcoming movie release this much in YEARS. I can't wait until this comes out, I hope it'll be great, and if it is, I'll see it a bunch of times.

Because it gives me back some youth.

(And in the mean time, I'll continue using Laurie R. King's Sherlock Holmes/Mary Russell stories to lull me to sleep. The May-December romance of those two broken souls is just beyond compelling to me. I'm sure it says something about me, but I'll handily ignore what that might be.

When a young girl loses her dad at an early age, it fucks up her brain. Proven face. That's me, forever chasing the "older and wiser" man in my head, if not in reality.

Why White People Love St. Patrick's Day

OK, so I have figured out the rationale behind the "Stuff White People Like" blog. It's really not "stuff white people like" -- it is stuff that "white intellectual coastal liberals like" -- definitely a bias toward my old 'hood in Marin County, and points similar.

But, that said, this post about why white people like St. Patrick's Day, really does sum it up quite well.

I am so ambivalent about the Denver St. Patrick's Day Parade this year. I feel so removed from it, and I have a bad feeling about the TV coverage. But we'll see... it's next Saturday.

Coyote Catalyst

I think a lot of this pondering is coming up simply because of The Daily Coyote, because Shreve has been almost TOO detailed about chronicling her personal life with Charlie the Coyote, in Ten Sleep, WY.

But, I have loved exposure to it -- schadenfruede? Voyeruism? Getting a glimpse into someone's real life can be addictive.

That's why I've always loved David Sedaris. I wish the guy was more prolific, because I hate having to wait for him to get his ass in gear and get new books out.

(One thing that is just plain fun about blogging, is the weird stuff you stumble upon. Like this site that explains why white people like David Sedaris. Now that I've found it, I'm going to have to go back to the home page, and read more about what I'm supposed to like as a white person -- since Sedaris is at #25, and honestly I didn't think he was really all that popular!)

Thoughs on Decloaking a Blog

This has been weighing on me for several months. One way or another, I've had a blog going since about 2002, though I've pulled the damn thing down multiple times, changed servers and names, and generally been very reluctant to decloak about it. I'm weird about blogs -- I honestly don't follow very many of them, but when I do, I tend to do a deep-dive into a blog for a short while, reading nearly every new and archived post before I lose interest and move onto something else.

I've never "settled myself" about what my own blog is, or what it should be. Sometimes I have posted things that I have later decided to pull down because it was just too damn much truth to have out there on the Internet. And I've had this unreasonable fear that "people I know" will stumble across my blog and read it -- though, since I've always been uber-diligent about not promoting my blogs, keeping them squarely underground, and trying to make sure people DIDN'T find it -- one might ask, "so, what IS the point of having it?"

I guess it's simply because I have always loved to write, ever since I was a kid it's been like a pressure-relief valve, and this is somehow more satisfying than writing into a notebook, which is something I have also done for years.

So, where I am at right now, is on the fence about this incarnation of my blog. Even though I've made the cowardly decision to delete out a lot of my posts, there is still a bunch of stuff I've decided to leave that, well, leaves me vulnerable to people who might read it. Not yet sure that's okay with me.

I've watched one of my coworkers start up his first blog, and although he's only been at it a couple of months, he's been doing a really good job -- his posts are interesting, he ranges far afield with "business-related" content as well as a light smattering of personal reflections and anecdotes. He started it because our company is trying to get deeper into "social media" -- and we will start a blog at some point this year. Which has me thinking about my own blog, and my reticence to share it with my team, because I just don't feel okay about decloaking to that degree, since I've mostly posted personal musings and not business stuff.

I still don't know what I'm going to do. We'll see.

Daily Coyote

I love audiobooks. I'm listening to a really good one right now, called The Daily Coyote. It's a very simple story, about a woman who fell in love with the wilds of Wyoming, and decided, sight unseen, to move to a town of 300. She ended up with a coyote pup to raise, and started a blog sending photos of the coyote to people every day. (Hence the name of the book.)

Her prose is luminous and graceful, and since I'm frequently listening to the story unfold as I drive to and from work, up and down I-25 in rush hour traffic, I look at the snowcapped Rockies to the west, and daydream about what it might be like to do something that gutsy -- just up and move to the middle of nowhere.

Things that stick out to me are: the luxury of curling up in front of a roaring fire with your cat, dog, and coyote, on a blizzarding winter day, with nothing else to do except... be. She also figures out how to teach English to Koreans in Korea from her home computer -- I mean, what a perfect idea for supporting yourself living in the middle of nowhere.

With the craziness of the economy lately, I really wonder how many people will be smart enough to just "drop off the grid" and recalibrate their lives to something like this. (Sure, it's a fantasy for me -- I cannot imagine that I could do the same thing successfully, city girl that I am, but one does enjoy the daydream.)

If this catches on, I'll be out of work

There was an interesting article in the Denver Post today about living frugally. Seems people are learning how to live without the absolutely crazed consummer-borrowing culture we've nurtured over the past decade -- WHAT a concept!

Since I work for a company that earns its keep by... consumer lending... this could be a scary thing. But damn, I love the concept. The funny thing is that we've sort of been living this way for the past several years.

I have no credit cards. I do have a corporate credit card for business purchases, but that's basically because I let them know that I was not going to be funding the business of business on my dime, and waiting for reimbursement. Not everyone can get away with this, I know, but it was just a plain fact for me. I don't imagine I will every really "want" to get a credit card again in my life -- though perhaps at some point I might finally do it again, but it won't be for at least a few more years.If they even still exist by then!

Credit cards. I hate them. Now, I have to say that MY company, as a credit card issuer, is actually one of the very rare "good guys" in a slimy business, and I can hold my head up and tell people honestly that if you need a credit card, ours really IS a good deal. 'nuf said about that, since I don't like to talk about my employer on my blog.

But... it DOES put me in a weird position, just with some of the "behind the scenes" stuff I am exposed to, working in this industry. I know more than the average bear consumer about how collections works, how lending decisions are made, etc. So that colors my perspective.

The whole financial industry is in a crisis (duh!). yesterday, the news said US unemployment had hit 8.1%, highest since about 1984ish. I know a LOT of people who have been laid off in the past three months or so. Scary.

I remember being laid off; marketing is usually one of the first departments to go under the scalpel during bad times. I've been through it more than once, and it sucks every time.

BUT...

Things are still overall good in America. And I remember that. But I LOVE the idea of just living frugally. Next thing to check out is a site called Freecycle. Actually, I know I had looked at this a few years ago, but it hadn't hit its tipping point yet, at least where I was. Now, I see that there are a bunch of Freecyclers right in my area.

Especially since Marty's been so sick, bit by bit, I've been going through all my stuff -- storage stuff, infrequently-used stuff, and trying to figure out how to get rid of it. I love the idea of barter -- that just fits me. So, who knows? Maybe I'll become a dedicated Freecycler...

revving up, then thwarted

Damn it!!!!! Just when the Luck Plane started tilting toward our heads (thanks, Bob), Marty ends up near-death again. I am honestly having trouble even dealing with this, but it's our reality.

Christmas was LOVELY, one of the best in years. (I remember Christmas of 2003, when we were really broke, and we went to the beach -- I remember writing "HOPE" in the sand in 8-foot letters with a stick. Eternal optimist, that's me.) Christmas dinner, 12/25. Marty thinks he's getting the flu, 12/27. Visit to the doctor, Fri 12/27 -- doc (who we love and trust) says, yeah, seems like the flu... then we notice his left leg is swelling and red... so he makes an appointment to see the doc who replaced his knee (with all the MRSA and related issues in 2006) -- appt is Tues morning.

Mon middle of the night, I have to call an ambulance for him -- I'm afraid he's not going to make it to morning, his pain is so great and his fever is so high.

So, we ended 2008, and started 2009, with Marty in a coma. Septic. Systemic infection, centered in his leg, but hurting his whole body. Kidneys shut down. All major systems negatively impacted -- respiratory, circulatory, cardiac. Sounds so clinical now -- but then, I was simply in a haze. Early January was spent in a dreamlike state, not even knowing what I was doing, honestly. Left the ICU every night, thinking he was going to be dead by morning. Thinking I was going to get "the phonecall" that I remember my mom getting, when my dad died. Remembering when my dad died -- Aunt Margie had come to stay with us, for The Vigil, because we "knew the end was soon".

I really could not grasp how close to death Marty was.

But it was a miracle that he pulled through. And for me and Brenna and Ayla, we struggled. Brenna is still a closed mystery to me most of the time -- she has not been the kind of kid who wants mom or dad in her world. She seems to prefer to work it out herself. Ayla alternately clung close and pushed me away, which was hard. Sometimes, just being able to put my hand on her helped me enormously.

But Marty got better. Thank god.

Now, we're holding our breath, waiting for the next round of tests, the next bit of news -- and honestly, I am expecting that the news will be bad. It's 2:20 pm on a Sunday right now, and he's snoozing in bed.

Ayla and I went swimming this morning, and then had breakfast -- and we talked nonstop. She said he's been sleeping more and more lately, which is a concern. I fear that the infection is back, despite the daily IV infusions. I fear what comes next. I fear being alone. I fear becoming a widow. I hope it doesn't come to that point.

Que sera, sera, right? I just have to roll with whatever happens. And I will.